Don't pee in my yard and tell me it's raining

For the second time, I've had to tell a spawn of Satan, I mean child, not to pee in my yard.  Really!?!?  It's my yard.  Where I enjoy my glass of wine.  Where I wash the car.  Where I watch the rockin' Hawaiian sunset.  It's not where I want to see you drop trou and hose down my grass and the neighbors toys!  I kept hearing CCR's "Bad Moon Rising" in my head with that little shit's bare butt running around my yard...

Why moms shouldn't chug tequila

So I spent what was supposed to be a normal, calm weekend with my heathens while daddy was out to sea.  Then Saturday happened.  It's been a long time since I've seen someone down half a bottle of tequila.  At 3pm.  While babysitting her neighbors kids.  She was passing out hugs to everyone, doing that whispered yell that people only use when they are plowed, and making a total idiot of herself.  All in all, hilarious to watch, and bless you, whoever the colelge girl was who was there to help her!